Placing enough years between 'then' and 'now', my past doesn't feel real. Perhaps because it wasn't. Personal significance is the idea I was chasing. This concept of mattering, mostly to others and not myself. Others that were also seeking their own significance. Their own notoriety. Their own status, within whatever culture or subculture they felt inclined to prove themselves.
We're all so very predictible. We ramp up our egos in a pitiful attempt to outperform others within meaningless social constructs. Do we really want to change the world, or do we really want someone to pat us on the back and tell us that we matter?
Why do we do anything? Aspire to anything? Want anything? What substance is to be gained from anything this life offers that isn't fleeting and meaningless?
The term that has been circling in my brain lately is “lived experiences”. Life is nothing more than a collection of lived experiences. I think this is an incredibly important fixation albeit one that conflicts heavily with my ego. What meaning a person collects from them ultimately disappears with that person's physical and mental decay.
More than saying we will all die one day, we will also all be different one day. Much of our body will regenerate into something new, including parts of our brain. We're malleable and moldable. We shift and change, typically so as to mirror each other, for survival purposes both literal and social.
The ethics that define our character now could shift entirely. The perspectives we hold true could be false. None of it matters.
Just live your experience. Enjoy your moment, while you have it.
- K V V P Λ [e-mail] [website]
30-something, he/him, pnw. “Retired” show promoter and scene kid, a not-very-good gamer, depressed most of the time. I'm big into music, animation (old Nickelodeon), spooky things, self-care, and my family.