Buried very deep
Yet another day passes without any sort of progress in my life. Another video game, another THC capsule, more fast food, more depression. All just another unfocused and unsatisfying blip of consciousness.
I find moments of solace and satisfaction now, but there is no longer a goal. No longer a purpose. No longer a glimmer of hope in my eye. There's just the bitter cold. There's just nothing.
Buried beneath the weight of my misfortunes, poor decisions, and self-torment is a being who wanted to change the world, help others, and make a difference.
Buried very deep, because most days I just want to be left alone.
At times I feel a slight pop of desire for companionship, but my desire to be left alone is so much stronger.
I spend a lot of time, even on this blog, trying to convince myself that my meager existence is good enough. That these fleeting good moments with holidays or family are worth the majority of the time spent in despair. I'm still kicking, right?
“If I was not so weak If I was not so cold If I was not so scared of being broken Growing old I would be Frail” Jars of Clay – Frail
- K V V P Λ [e-mail] [website]
30-something, he/him, pnw. “Retired” show promoter and scene kid, a not-very-good gamer, depressed most of the time. I'm big into music, animation (old Nickelodeon), spooky things, self-care, and my family.