distorted memories

Reconnecting with persons-of-old after more than half of a decade has passed is a bizarre thing. You can remember a person to be great, or a person to be not so great, and the entire opposite can be true. Either it was their change or yours; either way, years change you. The years have changed me. It's beneficial to revisit your memories. It has been for me. Sometimes you just get it wrong. But sometimes in revisiting, you gain clarity as to why things turned out the way they did.

I think when you are younger you're unaware because you just don't have a reference for things. You need to experience more things, be fucked over a few dozen times, interact with a thousand more people. It's funny saying this because of the disdain I had for older folks as a young person. Even if sometimes justified, mostly I was naïve and arrogant regarding life and the world around me. Many of my peers have grown older as well but are this way still. This isn't to say I'm better or worse than they are. I am just in a different place.

The things that drive me have always been the same to a degree. I deeply love music. I enjoy silly humor and cartoons. I love connecting with others. I love experiencing emotions and feelings. I love being creative. I love getting creative people together to do creative things. In the same breath, I know I've never really fit. Even when I thought I was fitting, I didn't fit. I'm different and stubborn and frustrating and crazy. I don't know if it's always a good thing. But it's who I am.

I'm just thankful to be alive, have the people in my life that I do, and the ability to enjoy beautiful things like music and nature.


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he/him, pnw. washed up scene kid, gamer who’s bad at games, lovable geek. i live for good music, spooky things, animation, my family, and authentic interactions with kind people.