new years vibes

It's 9PM. No plans. Snow outside. Another lonely night. Another sad track. Another weird moment in my life. I've gone through so much. I'm so different. There's so much to reflect on. There's so much to mourn. There's so much to cry about. There's so much to laugh about. There's so much to be mad about. There's so much to be grateful for.

Every guitar strum and drum beat smashes into my chest and reminds me that despite it all, I'm still alive. Something in me festers. Even when I feel the most hopeless, there's a dim flame in there somewhere. I don't know why it's there, and I don't have the energy I once had to pursue its prodding tug, but beneath this hardened shell beats a heart eager to connect, learn, and love.

My 2022 resolution is to find some new friends, and maybe renew some old friendships. There's a longing for connectedness that I've always had. I've just never been too great at getting close to people- especially the kind of people whose company would improve the quality of my life.

As an ongoing resolution, I intend to be as true to myself and authentic as possible in everything. I just don't believe in faking it or compromising. I believe in acknowledging and even embracing all aspects of myself, good bad and ugly. I give no judgement and no prejudice to anyone, and I expect the same respect. I won't go against my principles for anyone or anything, certainly not for money or power. I want every expression and moment of my life to be the real fucking deal.

I resolve to not feel so miserable one year from now. I hope to see more good in the world than I do today. I hope to find my heart and hope for better days.

Your hands didn't move Well, neither did mine New Year's Will bring Me to you

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he/him, pnw. washed up scene kid, gamer who’s bad at games, lovable geek. i live for good music, spooky things, animation, my family, and authentic interactions with kind people.