kvvpa.blog

find your heart and hope for better days

I tested positive for COVID a few days ago. My symptoms were relatively minor until they suddenly weren't, and now they seem to be getting a little bit better. Everyone I live with pretty much has it now.

It's funny how when I have these scary moments in my life, I tend to have a perspective shift or motivation of some kind. I've had a sudden resurfacing of feelings regarding my religious history and all the trauma evangelical Christianity caused me.

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You know when you're watching a movie and the lead characters do something unnecessarily reckless? Like, risk their lives out of sheer curiosity? Or how about when you hear stories about a stubborn old fool who refused to leave his house despite plenty of warning that an emergency situation is incoming?

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It's 9PM. No plans. Snow outside. Another lonely night. Another sad track. Another weird moment in my life. I've gone through so much. I'm so different. There's so much to reflect on. There's so much to mourn. There's so much to cry about. There's so much to laugh about. There's so much to be mad about. There's so much to be grateful for.

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When I started this blog, it was partially my reaction to rampant 'fakeness' via social media. Back in the day, we'd write on our public bloggers and livejournals and it was cathartic. People would respond. You'd follow each other's blogs and let those deep feelings and thoughts out without (too much) fear of being judged.

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In 2016 my life completely changed. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. It was a terrifying time. Unfortunately for me, the tragedies had only begun. My life was swept up in a whirlwind of misfortune. Just as Job suffered, my family and I suffered. Loss, illness, broken relationships, abuse, legal battles; it's been a nightmare..

An introdution occurred through a mutual friend shortly after my DX. She was somebody around my age who had a more severe case of MS than mine; nevertheless greeted me online with warmth and acceptance. She had been struggling with secondary progressive MS, and had words of encouragement for me. When I met her in person, she was in-patient at Swedish in Seattle, Washington.

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My tagline. What's it about? Quite simply, it's from a song by an old local band called A Hope For Home.

We're running with rusty gears, we're breaking down Please, don't let this die. We only have so long in this life So find your heart and hope for better days

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