K V V P Λ . B ᄂ Ө G

find your heart and hope for better days

CW: #therapy #depression

Okay well, I can't say I know if it's dumb or not. I've attempted 3 or 4 times already though, and every time has been terrible. Yesterday included.

I've been using this platform (Amwell) that doesn't take my insurance, because I've had such bad luck in-network. I was really lucky to find a great psychiatrist on there. Unfortunately my search for talk therapy has been less successful. The first person cancelled on me with no reason and hardly any notice (funny how they can do that without incurring no-show fees). The second person I put my all into the session, and she springs on me at the end that she isn't taking clients.

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CW: #depression #sadness #defeatism #chronicillness

5:36am Friday morning, no sleep. Right now reflecting on #friendships, current broken and lost. #Conflict has been the cornerstone of my relationships. Conflict perhaps most have likely written off as the #angry tirades of a #sick man; and perhaps reasonably so.

I wrote not long ago about a #psychiatry appointment. It went extremely well on multiple fronts, but it did leave me with an understanding of where I am now. On a scale of 1 to 7, 7 being the most mentally ill, I am a 5: “Markedly Ill”.

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There used to be a venue in Western Washington that was host to a vibrant alternative music scene. That's not what this is going to be about, because that place died when the shows died.

This is about a Dilla worker who decided to treat my family and I like garbage today. I don't really need to recap the details. Simply: we were unexpectedly treated viciously and unfairly by a complete stranger.

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CW: #trauma, #prescriptiondrugs, #therapy, #marijuana, #depression, #anxiety, #adhd.

Today, I am doing something I have long put off: I'm seeing a #psychiatrist (yep, that's right. I air out everything. It's truly a sickness of mine).

I'd be dishonest if I ignored the fact that the last 5+ years of my life have been awful. There's all the typical “Joey shit” going on; bitterness about the past, not knowing what path to take next, self-loathing- BUT there's 5 years of really, really, really traumatic stuff layered on top.

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...and so I say: hello!

My name is Joey, online I go by KVVPA. Imagine the V's as O's and that's the pronunciation.

A few days ago I decided (not the first time, I admit) to can the social media accounts. My only exception will be for if/when I need to promote something. Right now I'm getting ready to go back to school and trying to get my brain and body healthy. I have nothing to promote.

At some point I will stream again on Twitch. If that happens I'll set up some “IFTTT”-type system to post on the Facebook page, Instagram, and Twitter. I won't install those apps again (including messenger) unless a complete overhaul is done on how they handle personal data.

Not an exciting post, but it's the first post nonetheless. I can be found still in a few places, which will update as I join more freedom-respecting online services.

I may port over some blog entries from the various places. Only the good ones, though. So be on the lookout!

Photo of KVVPA's mascot - K V V P Λ  [mail] [website]
30-something, he/him, pnw, I like to share what's on my mind! I used to be an all-ages show promoter and I've been involved with numerous creative projects over the years. My interests include loud music, sp00ky stuff, 90's era nickelodeon, tech, writing, crafting, self-care, nintendo, live streaming & much more. I live with parents, my brother, my dog Toby, and 6 goofy hens.

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