ransom events, our city shows, fringe music presents and capcity presents: a reflection of past social influence

Are you listening?

The feeling of your chest vibrating to the sounds of driving guitars, drum beats and loud voices. Voices that have spoken your truths and helped you through cold, dark nights. Between screams, utterances, grunts, rhymes and tunings- you feel your pulse. The shared experience is just that much more powerful; excitement building and compounding with every other person's presence.

When I was a “cool Christian teen” into “rad youth group worship” and “screamo” music (as we called 'melodic hardcore' back then), I mistook music's effect on me as the presence of god. Emotional music just rattles my bones. I was feeling something and feeling it strongly. Music kept and keeps me feeling; passion, sadness, rage, euphoria...

'Making something happen' like I did with CapCity Presents (and its previous incarnations) was taxing. I was not taking care of myself and I'm sure many people noticed that. So what was even in it for me?

I was in my 20's and I was in back-to-back long term relationships. My trajectory was great in terms of finances and stability, but I wasn't happy. I was in a car accident that freaked me out (flirting with death does that), and it really motivated me to get back to doing something I actually love. The times that I was happiest was when I was downtown at The Midnight Sun or The Manium with my friends, or piled into someone's car toward Seattle's El Corazon or Showbox. Chasing those highs from my glorious youth, I was inspired to start something up.

I remembered there was a guy named Jesus who did shows as Evergreen Noise Booking, so I kinda took the pulse of the scene at the time (2013) and shows had moved to Centralia (at least the ones that I was into), and I thought, well hey, Olympia needs this too. I felt like kids deserved to be able to have what I had when I was young in Olympia. Shows and music was my damn holy spirit! It's where my community was. It was my heart and emotions. It was my scene.

I disappeared in around 2017 after a tiring 5 years of throwing gigs non-stop. I was diagnosed with MS and I'm sure many people think that was the main reason, but that wasn't the only wrench life decided to throw into my spokes. I won't divulge all of that but, holy shit, it was a lot.

I love sad and angry music still. I'm still into cartoons, too blunt for my own good, and still a bit of an emo boy. But what I value has changed. My time mostly goes to my family these days. My concern over what random people think about me is gone. My tolerance for abuse from others is gone. I've found my moment again- something acting like someone I wasn't had taken away from me.

During these ‘missing years’ I've taken the time to structure my world around my interests. I've taken time to explore inner facets that have been mistakenly ignored during the hustle and struggle of life-events. I've wrestled demons. It's been messy. But I know it's all preparing me for a beautiful future, so long as I put forth the effort to have one.

My love for music has lived on through a headphone amplifier and a pair of Sennheisers during this god-forsaken pandemic, but I've now had COVID-19 and 3 fucking vaccines, I think I'm ready for some live music therapy.

PS – I've been listening to a lot of Lydia lately. I still use last.fm.

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he/him, pnw. washed up scene kid, gamer who’s bad at games, lovable geek. i live for good music, spooky things, animation, my family, and authentic interactions with kind people.