try, try again

It's so easy to give up. Some of my life's failings have been entirely self-inflicted, and some bad cards have been thrown into the mix, but giving up is the only thing I truly regret. I have frequently given up when things got hard or messy. I usually try again, but right around the corner is myself; ready to sabotage any semblance of personal success.

I'd say my biggest flaw is allowing my emotions to dictate what I do and how I respond. So what am I going to do about that? Well, I'm seeing a psychiatrist, and she's upped my meds... but that is not going to be enough. I need to break the cycle of quitting and coming back around when I feel better about myself. I need to persist. I need to be consistent. So here I am, committing to some changes I need to make... again.

To give myself SOME credit, I have gone through a lot of stuff. I've made positive changes in my life despite chronic illnesses and friendship losses and family tragedies. But growth requires humility and a willingness to recognize the potential you're not living up to. I am not living up to my potential. I've allowed my fears and emotions to keep me from living the life I want.

I'm recommitting my life to myself. I'm recommitting my energy toward a better future. I'm hoping for better days, because I deserve them.

June 20th I begin a new coding journey, this time with Code Fellows with their Coding 102 software development class. But this is just part of a bigger picture. Here is what I want to focus on.

This will all require new rituals and new habits. But I've done that before. I can do it again. And this time, I shall persist!

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he/him, pnw. washed up scene kid, gamer who’s bad at games, lovable geek. i live for good music, spooky things, animation, my family, and authentic interactions with kind people.